The "Second Half" of My Life http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com Success Tactics for the Game of Life Thu, 03 Feb 2011 12:09:57 +0000 en hourly 1 Let Chinese New Year Revive your Dreams for Success and Happiness http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2011/02/03/chinese-new-year-happiness/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=chinese-new-year-happiness http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2011/02/03/chinese-new-year-happiness/#comments Thu, 03 Feb 2011 12:07:49 +0000 Marion http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/?p=1667

It is Chinese New Year. Throughout Asia people will celebrate and welcome in the year of the Rabbit. It is a time for dreams of success and happiness.

For millions of Chinese people throughout the world Chinese New Year brings a new start. It is a celebration of the year that has past and the New Year to come.

In Vietnam people are already celebrating the year of the Cat. In the Western world it is not so long since we celebrated New Year or Hogmanay.

However for many of us in the western world the New Year’s resolutions, plans and dreams have long since been forgotten. The year has become like any other and for some they are already saying “perhaps next year will be better”.

Yet we don’t need a New Year to improve our life in some way. We can make small changes in our attitude or thinking. We can make small changes in the way we treat ourselves and deal with others.

We don’t need a New Year to start being kinder to ourselves and to appreciate ourselves more.  We don’t need a New Year to start loving ourselves. We don’t need a New Year before we can be happy.

The “why” of this site is to inspire people to take stock of their lives and develop new tactics for playing the game of life.

In most team games there is a “half time” or “time out”. During those periods the team coach will speak to the players so that they can reassess and adjust how they are playing the game. The players have the opportunity to come into the second half with new ideas and raised spirits. It is possible to build on a disappointing first half and turn it into a glorious second half.

For me life is very much like a game but you must choose the rules or values by which you play the game or lead your life.

Yes, we make mistakes. Yet those mistakes don’t need to colour the rest of our year or the rest of our lives.

Yes, sometimes very bad things happen. Yet we can grieve for what we have lost and we can with courage and some effort rebuild our lives.

So please think back to your thoughts, dreams and goals for 2011 and reconnect with them. Why was finding a new job, building confidence, getting a work life balance, getting fit or (enter your own goal) so important?

What would it give you and how would you feel when you achieved it? You would feel good wouldn’t you?

So go on … take some time to reassess and then get out there and have a great second half.

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]]> http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2011/02/03/chinese-new-year-happiness/feed/ 11 Feeling Angry? Confrontation could be the Best Solution. http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2011/01/31/feeling-angry-confrontation-solution/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=feeling-angry-confrontation-solution http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2011/01/31/feeling-angry-confrontation-solution/#comments Mon, 31 Jan 2011 21:44:55 +0000 Marion http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/?p=1652

Last week I was feeling very angry. I don’t tend to be a person who gets angry – or at least I didn’t think I was.

I always saw anger as a destructive emotion and I think at some level I felt that as a “nice person” anger really was not something that was appropriate for me. How wrong I was.

Anger is an emotion – it’s a feeling and like all of our emotions it has a purpose. Our emotions tell us when something is wrong and that we need to take action. We may need to express  how we feel, change our attitude or walk away from the situation, deal with our anger and move on.

It is only when the fire of our anger dies down and we are left with the cold ashes that we can begin to let go, forgive and move on. When we carry anger around with us it drains our energy and makes us feel miserable.

The problem with anger is that no one really tells us how to handle it. We can go down the route of handling the annoyance assertively and pointing out to the other person what we feel.

“I feel that you are not listening to me and that you are taking my contribution for granted.”

There are a couple of problems with this. Number one – we don’t tend to do it! We don’t want to hurt people by telling them that we are not happy with their behaviour. We go along with things as they are. We are big enough- we can handle it. We certainly don’t want to seem as if we are complaining and making an “unnecessary” fuss.

The second problem with pointing out your displeasure is that you don’t know how the other person will react. What if they explode into an angry rage? How will you handle that? How will you deal with their disappointment or embarrassment.

What if they think that you are a bit of a drama queen for wanting things “your way”? What if you really are over reacting?

Yes we are afraid of confrontation.  - But what is the alternative?

I don’t recommend my route. Normally I am quite good at being assertive in most situations. For some misguided reason on this occasion I said nothing. Well that’s not strictly true – I moaned to anyone that would listen about the unfairness of the situation, my worries for the future…… Oh poor me!

Did I express any of this to the one person who could help change it? No!

So the resentment of months built up until the pressure in the bottle became too great and the cork popped. Suddenly at some level I believed the other person should have realised how unreasonable and thoughtless they were being.

I didn’t explode into an angry rage but I had gone past the point where I was either willing or able to negotiate a compromise – so I am now one Face Book friend down. Perhaps we would have drifted apart anyway but drifting may have felt better.

There is nothing “nice” about avoiding confrontation.

Taking the passive route as I did in an attempt to avoid confrontation can be as destructive as handling anger aggressively by screaming, shouting and throwing things. The other person is left very confused, disappointed and angry because after all you have condoned their behaviour for months and now suddenly that behaviour is no longer acceptable.

You see I think Thumper’s father in Bambi had it wrong. If you can’t say  nothing nice  – work out what you are unhappy about and do say something. Follow your emotions and express your anger appropriately – it will clear the air and will often allow the relationship to grow.

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]]> http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2011/01/31/feeling-angry-confrontation-solution/feed/ 4 Change your Life – The Success Stories http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2010/12/27/change-life-success-stories/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=change-life-success-stories http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2010/12/27/change-life-success-stories/#comments Mon, 27 Dec 2010 16:39:10 +0000 Marion http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/?p=1640

Change your life! Let next year be different. A career change, find the ideal partner, have more time for the things and the people that are important to you. I want to be thinner, fitter, more organised, more confident, happier, healthier…. the list is endless.

For many by the end of March those dreams have been dashed or simply given up on – but for some the story is very different.

At this time of year I receive Christmas cards and emails from previous clients.  Through this I get an insight into how these special people are getting on with turning their dreams and wishes into reality.

A Dream Come True

One email contained a link which redirected me to the Amazon website and to a book. I read the title and then I read the author’s name.  Oh wow -my heart sang.

A few years ago she was a shy young journalist. She worked hard but she never seemed to get the recognition she deserved and never felt that she had the confidence to push herself forward at work or to go out and make new friends.

She had two dreams – to find an ideal partner and to write a book. Last year she told me about a new special man in her life and this year she published her first book.

New Business

Ellie (not her real name) tells me she has taken on a fourth member of staff. Her business is growing. This is wonderful news.

Two years ago Ellie was so unhappy in her job that she dreaded Monday mornings. She had been teaching for years and felt that she needed a change but as teaching was all that she felt she knew about, changing career seemed frightening and hopeless.

We worked on her confidence and the way she thought about things. We set about discovering the things she enjoyed doing.

Ellie now runs a business which provides interpreters and translators for small companies which are branching into business in Europe and Asia.

Life after Divorce

I don’t get to meet many of my clients in person. We often work over the telephone so it was lovely to get a photograph in my Christmas card. It was a picture of a slim happy woman with two smiling children.

The first time I spoke to this woman she was not happy. She had been divorced for six months and was finding it very hard to build a new life for herself and her children.

“I feel like a new person and am so much happier within myself. I have lost weight and made new friends and for the first time in a long time I feel I am in control of my own life.”

You can change your life too

New Year is a time when people think about changing their lives and finding more happiness and contentment. These people have and you can too. They are no different from you. They had enough of where they were and decided it was time to take control.

For them it was time to live life by design not default. It was time to stop whinging, complaining and hurting. It was time to live!

It does not need to be New Year to make changes but it is as good a time as any.

Take a small pause in your life – a time out or interval and ask yourself:-

If you knew you could be successful at anything you did – what would you choose to do?

What would your answer be?

  • Be more confident
  • Lose weight
  • Start a new business
  • Spend more time with the people you love
  • Change your outlook on life
  • Be more organised
  • Get healthier
  • Move out of a rut and start making the most of your life

How would it make you  feel to achieve what you want? What would your life be like as a result? How good would you feel about yourself?

Perhaps the bigger question is:-

Are you willing to invest in yourself enough to make the effort or this time next year will you still be in the same excuse ridden rut?

What are you going to do in 2011?

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]]> http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2010/12/27/change-life-success-stories/feed/ 9 How to achieve your goals the simple way http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2010/11/24/achieve-goals-simple/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=achieve-goals-simple http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2010/11/24/achieve-goals-simple/#comments Wed, 24 Nov 2010 15:18:26 +0000 Marion http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/?p=1633

Goals are your dreams, aspirations, wants and wishes. With each goal you achieve you increase your sense of self worth and therefore your confidence and self esteem. Goals are your key to moving yourself to a better life, to being happier and to giving yourself a huge boost.

The trick is to set goals that are right for you and to make them as easy as possible to achieve. With each goal you don’t achieve you make a dent in your confidence and your self esteem. If you have a history of unsuccessful goals you will be less likely to even try.

Treat your goals and dreams with the care and respect they deserve by giving yourself the maximum chance of achieving them.

Here are my top tips for choosing the goals that are right for you and for ensuring that you achieve them.

Choose your own goals for the right reasons

Jim tells me he wants to change his career and find a better job.

Jim is getting married next year. His future wife, Sarah, would like to have a house on the same estate as her sister. In a few years time she would like to be a stay at home mum. They have talked about it and they have decided that Jim needs to change career.

When Jim and I talk about the situation it becomes clear that he wants to make Sarah happy. However he doesn’t really want to change career. His real dream is to be promoted because he really loves what he does.

If Jim is going to be true to himself and happy in the future he and Sarah need to find another way to satisfy Sarah’s dream of the big house.

Have a clear vision of what your goal will give you

When you want to turn a dream into reality it is important that you can visualize what success will look like as that vision acts like a catalyst and propels you towards your goal. There is a lot of power in that.

Jen tells me that her goal is to lose weight. She wants to lose 28 pounds. She is a good looking woman and she does not appear to be overweight.

When I ask Jen to tell me the benefits she will get from losing weight all she can tell me is that  her  husband will find her attractive again and will move back in with her.

Jen’s goal really isn’t about losing weight it  is about getting her husband back.

If the outcome of achieving your goal is to change someone else then your goal is flawed from the start. The purpose of a goal is to give you something that you really want and something that is in your gift to achieve. If it is a goal that you really want and it is done to benefit you and not to fit in with someone else your motivation will be greater.

Get the knowledge you need

When I started to get serious about losing weight I decided to find out a bit about nutrition and food. The more knowledge I gained the more choices I had about what I ate. Losing weight became less of a struggle because I didn’t feel restricted or deprived of food. Almost 9 months on I am still 23 pounds lighter than I was this time last year.

When you have dream or goal, know what is involved. What will it take to achieve it? You may give up on a goal after a couple of months because you feel you that you are not getting the results you expected. If you knew from the outset that it would take four months to achieve you would keep going because you were prepared for the time it would take.

What knowledge or tools do you need to help you?

Have a cunning plan

A few years ago I took part in a Moon Walk in Edinburgh. The Moon Walk is a 13 mile or 26 mile power walk through a city for a breast cancer charity. At the time I was not really into fitness. I did some hill walking but that was about it.

The organisers sent out a booklet with a training plan outlining the type of training I would need to do each week from February until the walk itself at the end of June. It gave a target of the number of miles that I needed to walk each week and the other forms of exercise and stretching that I would need to do to ensure that I would be fit enough for the walk itself.

If you had a business goal you would plan out the stages. You would know what you need to achieve as you went along so that you were on track for your goal. It is no different in your personal life. It is not enough to say “I want to live abroad” and expect it to happen. Plan out each action step you need to take. After all a goal without action will always remain an unfulfilled dream.

What tips do you have for achieving goals?

What goal would you really like to achieve in the next 90 days?

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]]> http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2010/11/24/achieve-goals-simple/feed/ 14 Gratitude – How to be thankful in trying times http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2010/11/16/gratitude-thankful-times/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=gratitude-thankful-times http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/2010/11/16/gratitude-thankful-times/#comments Tue, 16 Nov 2010 20:19:06 +0000 Marion http://the-second-half-of-my-life.com/?p=1623

It is easy to be grateful, to have that attitude of gratitude on a sunny day when the sky is blue and all is well with your world. It is much harder to count your blessing when you are sad or when life is not going well for you.

Today I noticed that the subject of the personal development campfire over at Eden Journal was “giving thanks” to acknowledge that it is fast approaching Thanksgiving in the US.

The nearest we have in the UK to Thanksgiving is a harvest festival which is a religious celebration mainly still kept in the countryside during September to celebrate the farm harvests. History is not a strong point for me but I believe that the first American Thanksgiving was celebrated to give thanks to God for helping the Pilgrim Fathers survive great hardship during their first winter in New England.

If there had been no hard winter for the Pilgrim Fathers would Thanksgiving exist?

Over the years I have become very grateful for the lessons that adversity has taught me personally and also through the bad times that other have experienced and shared with me. It is the hard times that have taught me how to be grateful.

It is during the trying times that expressing gratitude can make the biggest difference to how you feel. Being grateful can raise your spirits. When you can appreciate something and be grateful for it even the darkest parts of your life become lighter. Counting your blessings is a mood enhancer of the first order.

So when you are feeling that your back is against the wall, when life feels hopeless and you feel that you have nothing to be grateful here is an emergency gratitude list of things you might want to consider.

Be Grateful for:-

Health –

When you have your health you have a thousand wishes – when you don’t have good health you only have one wish.

Perhaps if we could remember to be thankful for our health we would take better care of it. We would not push ourselves to the limits of our mental and physical health working long hours and worrying about the “what ifs”. Perhaps we stop trying to please everyone and realise that looking after ourselves is the greatest gift we can give to the people we love and who love us.

You fit your own oxygen mask first, on an aeroplane so that you can save the life of others.

Adversity – Be thankful for the times when “life dealt you a rotten hand”. No I am not saying that you should be grateful for the bad events themselves but be grateful for how those events shaped your life and for the understanding that they brought you.

“Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents that would otherwise have lain dormant” Horace

My mother died when I was 7 and that did shape and colour my views on life. It made me realise how fragile life is and how life can turn on a sixpence. It taught me to live for today and for that I am grateful.

Every time you experience adversity and come through it you may have the battle scars but you survived and this gives you the proof that you can go on.

The teachers- Be thankful for the people in your life who have taught you something. I don’t necessary mean a teacher at school. I mean the people who affected you who made an impact in your life. Those people who showed you what true courage looks like, who taught you what it is to give and receive love; the people who inspire you.

Be grateful for those who were a completely bad example because they have shown you how not to live your life.

Beauty – Be grateful for anything around you that is beautiful. Beauty exists even in the darkest of places. It is all around you if you open your eyes and look. What can you see when you look around- when you really look?

So when life has been really hard for you what have you been grateful for?

What is the Personal Development Campfire?
Imagine all your favorite personal development bloggers gathered around a campfire. Campfires are great center pieces of relaxed and free flowing conversations. Think of all the wonderful conversations and the wealth of topics that might arise. That’s the idea behind the Personal Development Campfire. Your favorite bloggers all gathered together discussing a new topic every month. (Bloggers click here for details on participating in the Personal Development Campfire.)

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