How confident are you? Have you noticed that when you feel confident about a situation you deal with it better? Even in the trickiest situations if you feel confident you seem to be able to find the right words and ways of handling yourself. You are much more resourceful.
A client once told me something that I could totally relate to:-
“My boss will say something to me and I am so taken aback that I don’t know what to say. I don’t stand up for myself; I don’t put my case across and often end up doing things that I don’t want to. Later I get annoyed with myself because my head is full of the things I should have said.”
It is much the same if you are sitting an exam or making a presentation. If you feel confident and relaxed you do it much better.
The Circle of Excellence 
“How would you feel if I told you that there is a way to put yourself into that resourceful, confident state and not only that – you can do it whenever you want to? Would you be interested?”
Those were the words that my master NLP instructor Andy Smith said to me before he introduced me to the circle of excellence. At the time I would have bitten his arm off for the ability to do it.
I was in a downward spiral with confidence because with each situation I handled badly due to a lack of confidence – I lost even more.
A client’s story
I have introduced the circle of excellence to many people over the years. However the first client I taught to build a circle of excellence was a junior doctor who was about to sit a viva (an oral examination which follows exam finals or the defence of a PhD thesis.) He was training to be an anaesthetist. As the day for the viva approached senior colleagues would critique his work in the operating theatre and in intensive care.
“I feel under such great pressure that I am making stupid mistakes. I don’t know where my confidence has gone. Yesterday a consultant told me if I perform like this at the viva there is no way I will pass. I was top of the year in the written exams and people expect a lot of me. I am just letting myself down at every turn”
For the weeks leading up to the viva the young doctor took his circle of excellence with him into the operating theatre, intensive care, meetings with his consultant supervisor and eventually into the viva itself.
He passed the viva and went on to become a junior consultant anaesthetist. He wrote to me and told this.
“The circle of excellence seemed a wacky thing but I was so desperate to regain my confidence and prevent myself crumbling under all of the criticism that I would have tried anything. Now I share the secret with all the new trainees.”
How to build a circle of excellence
Choose the resourceful state that you want to experience (confident, determined, calm, creative, resourceful etc)
1. Identify a time when you fully experienced those feelings.
2. Imagine a circle on the ground in front of you and choose to make it any colour you want.
3. Step into the circle and remember the occasion when you fully experienced those resourceful feelings. See that occasion through your own eyes, hear the sounds and feel the sensations that you experienced in that memory.
4. Notice how it feels – perhaps you are standing straighter or breathing more easily.
5. Now imagine those positive sensations increasing. Really experience them to the full.
6. Step back out of the circle and shake off that resourceful state by thinking of something else.
7. Test out your circle of excellence by stepping back in and noticing how quickly you can re-access that resourceful state.
8. Repeat Steps 1 to 7 until you can achieve easy access to the resourceful state that you want.
9. When you can do this with ease imagine the circumstances where you could use your “circle of excellence”.
If you are particularly nervous about a situation or perhaps you feel that you are going into a situation where you might need to handle criticism you can add a further step.
10. As you stand in your circle pull up the rim of the circle and imagine yourself within your confidence bubble where the arrows of criticism simply bounce off.
You can fold up your circle and carry it with you or you can whisk it out of thin air when you want to. No one need know anything about it.
Why does it work?
How we feel inside – our internal state – is a huge influence on how we interact with others and on how well we perform. If we can learn to manage that state and to choose the most appropriate one for the situation – resourceful, creative, determined, calm, confident etc it is a very important skill for success in just about every area of life.
William James explains it best –
“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
Andy Smith is an Emotional Intelligence consultant, ANLP-accredited NLP trainer and Appreciative Inquiry facilitator based in Manchester, UK. He has been assisting individuals and groups with accelerated change for fifteen years.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Marion,
I loved this article and being introduced to the bubble of confidence technique.
I enjoy learning quick easy ways we can influence and change our thinking.
It’s especially great that this little gadget is so easily portable too!
I’m slipping mine into my pocket before I leave the house from now on.
Hi Angela
Thank you for your comment.
It is very easy to learn – a few practices and you are off. I love the fact that you can use it for many different states that you want to get into such as calm, determined or even resourceful. It is a worthwhile one to learn
Marion
I constantly use the Napoleon Hill method to confidence. I repeat that I’m capable of doing it, feel the affirmation and visualize a lot. Of course, the biggest confidence booster is working hard up the work. The more you work, more sure you’ll be about what you have done and can do. It’ll boost your confidence instantly. What say?
Hi Jaky and welcome
I like Napoleon Hill and am reading his book at the moment. Affirmations and visualizations are very useful and are used by many top athletes and performers to get them into the zone.
“The more you work, more sure you’ll be about what you have done and can do. It’ll boost your confidence instantly. What say?”
It depends on the level of your confidence to start with. If you have a fair level of self confidence and self-esteem what you say is very true. If your confidence is lower, if your self belief is low, if you have had a bad experience before, if your levels of anxiety and stress about a situation are higher then the circle of excellence is a much easier way to go.
The circle lets you get into the zone of what ever state you want to be in such as confidence. You can concentrate on the task at hand rather than worrying about what you feel and about remembering to say “I can do this.” Your energy is on the task at hand. You can naturally tap into your own resourcefulness and creativity.
Like everything in life some things suit some people better than others. I often work with people where confidence and self esteem is a huge issue because it may have taken a bashing in the past. If it was as easy for them to say I can do it – it would be great.
Many thanks for your comment and adding this important piece to the conversation.
Come back and visit again. Would love your input
Marion
Hi Marion,
It is amazing how sometimes using simple techniques we can, as human beings, have control over ourselves in order to achieve more or simply feel more confident in a given situation.
This techniques should be taught in school at an early age, not only to help children boost their confidence in complicated situations, but also as a way to prevent the spiraling down that many people experience at certain moments of life due to not knowing what to do, as you mention.
Great advice, thank you
Rau;
Hi Raul
I love the idea of teaching this to children. What a great idea. Confidence and self esteem are the greatest gifts that you can help a child with. They are so important to a happy and healthy life.
Thank you for sharing that.
Marion
Marion: Very interesting approach and one I think is definitely worth trying out. You are so right that confidence can really change how you experience everything and can also impact your performance in any situation. I think if we can identify a solid approach that allows us to consistently increase our confidence, we really will be able to handle just about anything that comes our way. I think the confidence bubble you described sounds like a really great approach. Thanks for the tips and great post.
Hi Sibyl
Nice to see you back.
The circle is a great thing to try. Yes it can sound a rather strange thing to do but it is really effective. It gives that solid approach and once we discover that we can do things well we get a great feel good hit too.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Marion
Hi Marion,
I like what you call building “circle of excellence.” I think visualization is one of the best things we can do to increase our confidence. The more we visualize and feel the confidence, the more confident we will become. Thanks for sharing
Hi Dia
I agree with you absolutely. Life is difficult when you are low in confidence and self esteem so anything that you can do to boost confidence – especially if it is simple – is a great tool.
Thanks for dropping by.
Marion
Marion,
Feeling confident in our lives can do wonder. I like the idea of circle of excellence by Andy Smith,. I have found when I was working as a manager that best way to boost confident of your self and your team is to do small task and be supportive and take one step at the time.
Thanks for sharing this technique to me, Marion.
Hi Preeti
Small tasks and support is a great way to go. The circle of excellence is really good when you don’t feel that you have support – when you feel it is all up to you.
Lovely to see you here again
Marion
thanks for the detailed explanation, very useful post
Hi Farouk
I am glad you found it useful.
Thank you for dropping by
Marion
Hi Marion, thanks for your comments on my blog – this particular post of yours really interested me. I did something very similar on a coaching course a few years ago – there seem to be a few variations of this. I particularly like this example because you have the ability to make it portable – literally carrying around your confidence bubble with you.
Cheers, Dan
Hi Dan and welcome
I know we both share a special interest in helping people build their confidence. There are a few variations of this but like you I find this one very user friendly because it is portable. When a person is in a tight corner they want to be able have something that will help them there and then.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I hope you will come back again and add to the conversation.
Marion
I think if we work on ourselves, we will see the difference in the mirror of our lives. Once we alter our attitude, the way in which we see the world will change. And when this happens, we magically enjoy life more, attract nicer people, go on more dates, love a bit less in the ideologies of hatred and achieve a better standard of living and mental health. It start with organizing the mind. Make your your is in alphabetical order folks! Great post!
Hi Jonathan and welcome
What you say is very true. However it is easier to change your attitude and do the things that you are suggesting if you feel that you can handle life. Sometimes though life can throw you a number of curved balls and your confidence can take a hit. At times like that circumstances become hard to handle. The circle of excellence is a great way to boost your confidence – lets you see you can handle things and allows you to move forward.
Thanks for adding to the conversation. I hope you will come and visit again.
Marion
Hi Marion,
I think having a bedrock of confidence helps with so many different things in life. You know that you are able to handle whatever life throws at you, if you have confidence. You are able to take risks knowing that whatever the outcome, that you will figure out a way to succeed. Having confidence means that you are not fearful of certain situations and that you can go after what you want in life. It’s something that ebbs and flows as no one is 100% confident in 100% of the situations, but the more you build your courage and confidence muscles, the more you are able to live your purpose.
In ‘training’ to be confident, I quite like the visualization techniques you’ve outlined. It’s so easy to visualize our failures, but if we turn that around and see ourselves succeeding – that some powerful stuff.
Karen
Hi Karen
I love what you say about confidence. Being confident makes life so much easier. It has taken me many years to discover that and I suppose that is why I can relate to my clients who have issues around it.
When you say that no one is 100% confident in all situations – you are right. However people who are not confident don’t realise that and it is an important point.
We can learn a great deal from the world of sport where visualization is a heavily promoted technique for successful athletes.
Many thanks for your comment
Marion
I LOVE this technique. I’m going to teach it to my grandchildren. What a gift!
Hi Tess
Brilliant! I am glad you like and think it will fun to do with your grandchildren. It’s a good tool for them to learn too
Marion
Self-confidence is a powerful feeling. I love the idea of circle of excellence. I think my self-confidence has ebbs and flows and with the ebbs, I rely on my loved ones (well, ok, my husband!) on reeling me back in. I do not understand why I go through the ebbs and flows when I have no particular reason but I attribute it to moods. Now i have a technique to handle those moods. Thank you Marion!
Hi Farnoosh
Our confidence levels do vary – it depends on our internal state or mood. A tool like this is great for mood management. Many people don’t realize that they do have power over their mood and you make yourself feel better.
Thank you for dropping by
Marion