Personal development and coaching for real people

Money Matters – How to find the path to Financial Freedom

by Marion

Financial freedom or financial independence is often described as a place you reach in life where you have more than enough money to live on now and for the rest of your life. The only problem with that definition is – it immediately seems an unattainable goal especially if you are starting over again in life.

How can you make that amount of money? Short of robbing a bank or winning the lottery financial freedom was a pie in the sky dream for me as it for many people.

Over the next weeks I want to share the story of how I discovered the path to financial freedom and the steps that I took to help me on my way.

My Story

My parents were very cautious with money. They were both great savers- squirreling money away for a rainy day.

Then one day the rain came but money couldn’t help. Suddenly my mother died. I was 7. My father was devastated. His biggest regret was never having taken my mother to nice restaurants or on special holidays – we were always saving for the future he said and now it was too late.

That set my view of money. It could not bring my mother back and it made my dad very sad. Money did not bring happiness.

After that money was something that never really interested me. When I had it I spent it. I lived up to my income and sometimes beyond it. For me, that was financial independence. Then something changed.

I decided that I no longer wanted to follow the career path I was on. I wanted a different life. At that point I realised the financial independence I thought I had was totally dependent on my corporate masters. My financial independence was a myth.

Around this time I learned a major lesson about money.

Money can set you free or trap you – if you let it.

I did not want to stay in the job I was in but in financial terms I could not afford to leave. I have seen this dilemma play out for so many clients over the years.

I want to change career

I want to leave my partner

I want to spend more time with my children

I want to retire

I want to take a year out

I want to work less hours

…………………………….But how do I pay the bills?

Here are the first steps to finding the road to financial freedom.

Step 1 – Take responsibility for your financial position

This can be hard because if you have been made redundant for example – you didn’t choose to be in the situation you are in. However you can choose to do something about it.

You can stay where you are, be miserable, moan and wait for the lottery win or you can find a new way forward. For me there just had to be another way because it was too painful to stay doing something that no longer made me happy.

Step 2 – Work out what you do and don’t want to do in your life

This was the most important question that I asked myself. What did I want to achieve in my life? These are some of my answers.

Support my family

Stop working long hours

Have less stress

Stop commuting 3 hours every day

Work at something that honoured my values and inspired me

Make a real contribution through my work

Have time for hobbies

Retrain

Be able to travel

Be able to maintain my home the way I want to

Spend time with my family

Be happy

Nowhere in my list did I want vast wealth. I simply wanted a life where my choices and goals were not influenced by the need to make money. I wanted to be me and to be able to do what I wanted to do and not be restricted by a lack of money.

Step 3 – Make it measureable

You can put a figure on the amount of money you feel that you would need to achieve the things you want to do but remember that financial freedom is a feeling as well as a measurable choice.

Tim Ferris put it very well when he said

“Money is multiplied in practical value depending on the number of Ws you control in your life

What you do

When you do it

Where you do it

Who you do it with”

Over 5 years ago I became I coach. I can work from home. I can work in the evening or during the day. I can work from anywhere in the world if I want to. I can choose my clients.

I am still not making as much money as I did in my corporate job but some days simply having control over the four Ws makes me feel exceptionally wealthy.

In my next post I will tell how I challenged some of the blocks I had about money and began to turn my finances around.

What do you feel about financial freedom – pie in the sky or a possibility worth checking out? Tell me what you think?

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A vision for your life – are you living your dream?

by Marion

in Life Skills

Have you got a vision for your life? Your vision for your life is the picture you have of your life or the dreams you have for your future.

Having a vision is useful – it helps you guide your life and make decisions more easily. When you don’t have a vision or a dream you float through life dissatisfied, often looking for meaning and searching for ways to validate yourself.

Vision is like a tiny spark of flame from a match. It flares brightly in the darkness but it needs fuel in the form of action and self belief to allow it to keep burning and to grow.

In the early stages that spark of vision can easily be extinguished by our own self doubt or the thoughtless words or opinions of someone else.

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt”
William Shakespeare

If you are struggling to find a vision for the life you want here is some inspiration to rekindle that spark.

Did you throw your dreams out with the rubbish?

I have always loved books and reading. A long time ago I thought about being a writer but at the age of 15 I got my first rejection letter from a magazine called Annabel. I decided at that point that I did not have what it took to be a writer so I gave up that dream.

In April I re-discovered the pleasure of writing. I had not written since I was a teenager. It was only today when reading a friend’s blog that I remembered my first and last submission to a magazine.
Maybe you could check your bin – your dream could still be there.

Are you undervaluing a natural talent?

Often, just because we can do something, we assume that it can’t be of value to anyone else because – it’s easy – we can do it naturally.

I worked with a lady who taught children with behavioural problems. She wanted to coach people but she was uncertain what her niche might be. I asked if she had thought about coaching and mentoring teachers who struggled with similar children in their classes. No one would want that she told me. So I told her about 4 teachers I was coaching who were trying to beat stress. Their biggest and most stressful problems were around children who disrupted their classrooms.

Just because you can do it – don’t assume everyone can and that your gift is worthless. I went into coaching because others could see a gift I have with people. Are you overlooking a gift?

Are you hiding in a Shadow life?

After I threw my writing dream away I took a part time job in a book shop. I loved being among the books and meeting new authors when they came to do book promotions. I got a great buzz from it. I didn’t realise that I was living in the shadows of my dreams. I was not a writer but it was as near to it as I thought I could get.

Are you living in the shadow of your dreams? Are you hanging around with the people who are actually doing what you really want to do?

I Don’t Know

I knew that I was unhappy doing the job that I did but my problem was I didn’t know what else I wanted to do. Not knowing was a huge barrier which prevented me moving forward. I need clarity but sometimes clarity can be very frightening.

Once you know what your vision for your life is – you have no excuse. Your vision or your dream is right in front of you. The next step is to move out of your comfort zone and follow your dream – but wait a minute – you know exactly where you are when you’re in your comfort zone even if it is not very comfortable – perhaps not knowing your vision is a good place to be after all?

Are you in the not so comfortable “comfort zone”?

Resistance

Sometime we really resist our vision or our dream. Often we resist because we are frightened what people might think, of what we might lose, of looking stupid. What is holding you back from realising your dreams?

The Wake up Call

Sometimes a crisis in our lives forces us to take action and to follow the dream because we realise that we are out of integrity, that we are unhappy and that we have always known our own answer.

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

If you are feeling dissatisfied with your life the chances are that there is an unfulfilled dream waiting for you to bring it to life. Is it time for you to wake up?

What would you really love to do?

What would inspire you? What would get you bouncing out of bed ready to take on the day? What does your heart tell you? Try writing the answer to this question:-

If you could wave a magic wand and know that success was guaranteed – what would you do with your life?

What about you?

Many clients have come to me because they are not living their own lives – there are living someone else’s dream.

It might be , like me , my father’s dream of a secure office job.

Perhaps life has just happened to you and you have fallen into the role you occupy. You still have your dreams – they may be well hidden.

Life is a precious gift. You can make full use of it, you can leave it unopened or you can change it for the life you want. What are you going to do with your life?

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How to Forgive – What you need to know about forgiveness

by Marion

in Life Skills

How to forgive is a question that many of us struggle with. It can be very hard to truly forgive when you are hurt.

I remember years ago during the troubles in Northern Ireland listening to, Gordon Wilson, the father of a bomb victim explaining to an interviewer that he forgave the people who had killed his beautiful daughter.

Marie Wilson was a young nurse who had been attending a Remembrance Day service at a war memorial in Enniskillen when a bomb was detonated that killed 12 people.

You could see her father’s grief and feel his pain but as he spoke I felt an enormous sense of admiration for the man. The memory of the interview has stayed with me.

It took me a long time to realise Gordon Wilson understood that hatred and anger destroy. They are emotions which eat away at us – they are unfinished business which we carry around like a huge weight making it impossible to start over again. Gordon knew how to forgive.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

When those emotions take over – happiness and goodness leave and bitterness is all that remains. For Gordon Wilson the memory of his daughter was too precious to spoil.

Thankfully in life not many of us have to face the situation that he did and in comparison the source of our hurt and anger may seem out of proportion. However when someone hurts, offends or upsets us it is painful and can be very difficult to get over.

Do we expect too much of forgiveness?

Forgiveness did not bring Gordon Wilson’s daughter back. Forgiveness alone will not put the trust back into a relationship where a partner has been unfaithful.

Forgiveness is not about making the other party feel better.

Forgiveness is not about wanting the other person to feel our pain.

Forgiveness is not about justice.

Forgiveness is about healing us and allowing us to feel better and to move on.

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Feeling Confident? – How to Boost Confidence with a Bubble

by Marion

in Inner Game

How confident are you? Have you noticed that when you feel confident about a situation you deal with it better? Even in the trickiest situations if you feel confident you seem to be able to find the right words and ways of handling yourself. You are much more resourceful.

A client once told me something that I could totally relate to:-

“My boss will say something to me and I am so taken aback that I don’t know what to say. I don’t stand up for myself; I don’t put my case across and often end up doing things that I don’t want to. Later I get annoyed with myself because my head is full of the things I should have said.”

It is much the same if you are sitting an exam or making a presentation. If you feel confident and relaxed you do it much better.

The Circle of Excellence

“How would you feel if I told you that there is a way to put yourself into that resourceful, confident state and not only that – you can do it whenever you want to? Would you be interested?”

Those were the words that my master NLP instructor Andy Smith said to me before he introduced me to the circle of excellence. At the time I would have bitten his arm off for the ability to do it.

I was in a downward spiral with confidence because with each situation I handled badly due to a lack of confidence – I lost even more.

A client’s story

I have introduced the circle of excellence to many people over the years. However the first client I taught to build a circle of excellence was a junior doctor who was about to sit a viva (an oral examination which follows exam finals or the defence of a PhD thesis.) He was training to be an anaesthetist. As the day for the viva approached senior colleagues would critique his work in the operating theatre and in intensive care.

“I feel under such great pressure that I am making stupid mistakes. I don’t know where my confidence has gone. Yesterday a consultant told me if I perform like this at the viva there is no way I will pass. I was top of the year in the written exams and people expect a lot of me. I am just letting myself down at every turn”

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What is Reality?

by Marion

in Inner Game

What is reality? This question is puzzling me – it has been ever since I was told by my husband to “get real”!
My husband is a man who calls a “spade a spade” whereas in his view I tend to call it a manual earth moving appliance.

The “get real” comment arose after our car failed its MOT (annual road worthiness test). The garage told us why it had failed and also suggested that we should consider having work done to the brakes – although the brakes had not caused the car to fail the test.

My husband’s immediate reaction – the garage is trying to get more money out of us – they are “at it”.

My reaction – the garage have given us timely information – great service.

What does reality mean?

The dictionary defines reality as “existing as a thing or occurring in fact” This suggests to me that reality is a definitive thing – it’s either real or it’s not – I am right or I am wrong. But as I listen to my lovely husband rant passionately and imagine his blood pressure rising I wonder how we can have such a different take on the same incident.

By this point I am beginning to agree with the late John Lennon that:-

“Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.”

I am also forming the opinion that a quote I read on Ben Lumley’s site is very true.

“You are the Architect of you own reality” Tim Brownson

Is one person’s reality another person’s joke?

I listen to the pain in my daughter’s voice as she tells me of the discovery of her first grey hair and I find it comical. To her it is the harbinger of impending crows’ feet, senility and probably incontinence too. Her grey hair is real but her angst and concern over her premature aging for me is unreal and very amusing and yet it is a serious matter for her. Perhaps dear Reader I am being cruel.

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